I hate venetian blinds
My new apartment has vertical venetian blinds -- you know, the kind that are about four or five feet long and four inches wide and hang from the top to the bottom of the window. You pull them back to reveal the outside world in its full glory, or you turn a small rod to make the blinds rotate and allow degrees of illumination.
Well, anyway, I hate the damn things. I'll rotate the rod, and one snotty recalcitrant blind will refuse to comply with the rotation imperative -- then another refuses, and this clicking sound begins, and then they all won't move.
These things never work. Now, I know some of you may write in and tell me I'm doing something wrong or give me a tip that will ensure that the blinds always work. Fair enough, but please, let's stop right there. True, perhaps there is a way to make them work, but (a) I don't think it's worth the effort and (b) even if my failure is resulting from my ineptitude in handling the blinds, then I'm just not the kind of person who should have them. Sure, one might argue that this is an opportunity to confront -- and overcome -- a failing of my own. Where would I be today if I simply said "That's it -- I can't play the solo on 'The Trooper,'" or "Well, reading Milton is just too hard, so I'm not going to continue"? My friends, there are only so many battles I'm willing to fight within and against myself, and this just isn't one of them.
(C) I just don't like the way they look that much.
I want curtains or the horizontal blinds.
With too much time on my hands and attempting to waste yours,
Mark "looking forward to when I can be a curmudgeon" Meritt
Well, anyway, I hate the damn things. I'll rotate the rod, and one snotty recalcitrant blind will refuse to comply with the rotation imperative -- then another refuses, and this clicking sound begins, and then they all won't move.
These things never work. Now, I know some of you may write in and tell me I'm doing something wrong or give me a tip that will ensure that the blinds always work. Fair enough, but please, let's stop right there. True, perhaps there is a way to make them work, but (a) I don't think it's worth the effort and (b) even if my failure is resulting from my ineptitude in handling the blinds, then I'm just not the kind of person who should have them. Sure, one might argue that this is an opportunity to confront -- and overcome -- a failing of my own. Where would I be today if I simply said "That's it -- I can't play the solo on 'The Trooper,'" or "Well, reading Milton is just too hard, so I'm not going to continue"? My friends, there are only so many battles I'm willing to fight within and against myself, and this just isn't one of them.
(C) I just don't like the way they look that much.
I want curtains or the horizontal blinds.
With too much time on my hands and attempting to waste yours,
Mark "looking forward to when I can be a curmudgeon" Meritt
posted by Mark Meritt at 10:51 AM
50 Comments:
You forgot to mention how the rod falls out of the kitchen vertical blinds...but maybe that doesn't happen to you as often as it happens to me. Apparently I have a too-vigorous tug. I share your dismay about the blinds, but I am leaning toward low-prioritizing the problem, given the array of other utterly, sublimely enormous challenges facing us at the moment!!
Blind dynamics are beyond me, as well! Hopefully the individual slats aren't falling off when you operate the blinds--that's one issue I've had with vertical blinds in the past!
In Seattle we had a house chockaful of 1970s/1980s blinds; of course those required the "two handed technique"--where you pull the cord with one hand, while carefully pushing up (or down) the other end of the blind--to avoid the asymmetrical fan look when opening or closing the blinds. Didn't help when you had a cord that was extra short for some reason, so there was lots of tweaking and redoing to make the blind look somewhat normal (or broken or twisted slats, for that matter). Grr... and the blinds never kept the light off the TV screen when watching TV in the summer either!
I also have less-than-fond memories of those cheap vinyl roll-up shades, one of which I had in my childhood bedroom. It was enormous, and if you just pulled on the bottom to open or close the blind, it would SWOOSH straight up, and into the roll! No chance of pulling it back down once it'd wound itself up into the roll... you had to take down the rod and carefully unroll the shade by hand, before putting the rod back up (when I was shorter Mom and Dad got this unenviable task). While I've learned some technique (or rather control) over the years I am still terrible with roll-up shades and avoid them whenever possible.
Hope this was mediocre enough for you. As Sarah says, we have more important challenges in life, so actually vanquishing window furnishings falls low on the list of things to actually do something about... where are straightforward curtains when we need them?
PS
Oops, honey, I think there is a typo in your post title--"venetial." You love it when I point these things out, don't you? (Or is this, like, some sophisticated home furnishings lingo I am not familiar with??)
I actually thought "venetial" was Mark's attempt to merge "vertical" and "venetian" in one word when referring to vertical venetian blinds!
Or perhaps--less sensibly but arguably more fascinatingly--a hybrid of "venetian" and "venial?"
And Mark--what's with this "looking forward to when I can be a curmudgeon" nonsense? Why put off 'til tomorrow, etc. etc.?
For the record (ahem) Mark has corrected the typo; it really did say "venetial blinds."
What you need are the "plantation shutters" that we have on our windows. Solid wooden slats that run parallel to the ground. I used scare quotes because someone told me that they aren't really shutters. Shutters are something else.
Having recently learned that French drains are named for some dude named French and that Morgan Hill was named for Mr. M. Hill, I am now on the look out for some guy named Venetian.
To respond to Gary's musings, wondered if Venetian blinds were from Venice... theoretically they are circa Venice in the 1770s. Here's the Wikipedia entry on venetian blinds, if you'd like to immerse yourself in the mundane! Note the picture of evil vertical blinds below the entry...
Yikes, I forgot the mundane link!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venetian_blind
Thanks, Katherine, for steering me to Wikipedia.
Venetian blinds suck. They don't work and they are so ugly. The end.
I hate these god-awful things too. I've lived in apartments for about 10 years now, a different one every year. Every single one of them has had these horrible blinds.
They, in no uncertain terms, are absolute trash. I hate them to the core of my being.
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Compared them to curtains:
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vs.
A series of slats which all accrue their own world of dust and filth, and you'll never get them all clean. They do not block light, either.
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